I'm sorry for lashing out, but note that this is not for you..this is for the others with no common sense.
As for you, I already told you that I'm confrontational..I hate keeping things inside, I hate revenge.
(But sometimes revenge is sweet though..but only, only to some ppl :D)
This article below is for 'support people'.
See, when you are a friend or a family member of a person who has lost whatever she had lost..u became her 'support people'.
No, u don't have to be her pillow or osim chair..u just need to have common sense.
Read this one up, you'll understand.
- Do ask, "How are you doing?"
- Do be ready to listen, despite the sensitivity of this topic.
- Do remember that you can't take away her pain, but you can listen and help her feel less alone.
- Do let your genuine concern and care show.
- If the mother chooses to talk about the embryo/fetus as a 'baby', let her. Don't try and argue the medical details of when it actually becomes a 'baby'.
- Do say you are sorry about her pain.
- Do accept her moods, whatever they may be! You are not there to judge. Be sensitive, and expect frequent shifting moods.
- Do get literature about depression and the grief process to help you understand.
- Do allow her the respect to grieve and be sad as you would for a mother who lost a baby through a miscarriage.
- Don't think that the gestational "age" of the pregnancy determines its value and impact.
- Don't minimize her feelings, sadness or grief, by saying there must be 'something more' than just the abortion that is causing her such distress.
- Don't be afraid to touch or hug her, it can often be more comforting than words.
- Don't avoid her because you feel helpless or uncomfortable, or don't know what to say.
- Don't change the subject when she mentions her abortion/miscarriage. Try to just listen, and hear what she wants to say.
- Don't push the mother through the grieving process, it takes a long time to heal and they never really forget.
- Don't encourage the use of illegal drugs or alcohol.
- Don't ask her how she feels if you aren't willing or don't have the time to listen.
- Don't say you know how she feels, unless you have been in the same situation.
- Don't (even if you are hurt and feel the need to lash out) say: "You would have made a bad mother." Or the variation "You weren't ready anyway." or any other comment that demeans her ability as a mother or prospective mother.
- Don't tell her what she should feel or do.
- Don't look at her situation and put a time frame on her healing, and say "You should feel better by now!" (This will only make her feel worse, "oh god, not only is she falling apart after her abortion/misscarriage, but she is inconveniencing everyone else by not 'being over it by now!")
Oh but well, I shouldn't have even bothered to lash out my anger..or to post this up.
Some people never will understand..but please prove to me that you do, and that my effort to post this up is all worthwhile.
Ya Allah, please oh please grant me some patience..